So Grandma was walking fine this morning. I'm getting really sick of her playing everything up to get sympathy and shit. I really am. I only have 3 weeks of summer vacation left and absolutely NOTHING to look forward to. I had a really shitty summer and it's only getting worse.
I was SUPPOSED to go downtown with my cousins and then go swimming and get a break from being around my mom all the time, but of course, Gina cancelled. Because Valari didn't want the kids to go. -_- She needed "help with the baby!" AKA: "I don't want my teenaged daughters to have more fun than me" syndrome.
Yeah, so, Gina flipped out and said we had to be at downtown early so I got up at 8:30. I watched some TV,texted Michelle since she was freaking out, and vegged for a bit. Anyway, ten rolls around so I start to get dressed and then she calls and cancels. But says we can still go swimming later.
Not two minutes later Morgan and Karen arrive, and no one told me they were coming at all. -____- I don't mind, I just HATE having shit sprung on me, you know? That, and I didn't get enough sleep last night. So Karen and mom take grandma to her doctor's appointment and I hung out with Morgan for a while, which was fun, but still. @-@
So I'm all looking forward to going swimming later, then Gina calls and bitches my mom out. That, and mom is also suffering from "my teenaged daughter can not have more fun than me" syndrome, and refuses to let me go swimming today. No, I have to stay and babysit Grandma. Like always. I'm getting so tired of sitting around this fucking, fucking, fucking house. I'm about to lose my mind. I'm depressed. I'm sad. I'm pissed. I'm tired. I want to sleep. I can't relax enough to. I missed my shows last night. The girls were supposed to spend the night tonight and now they can't and I'm going to be alone and just sitting here by myself, as usual. -___- While everyone and their mom has more fun than me.
Monica and Maddy have more lives than me and they are 14 and 16. It's ridiculous. It made me realize how much I've wasted my life staying on the good path and that i Haven't let myself have ANY fun, whatsoever. I have no crazy memories. No stories to tell. Mom, Gina, and the girls were going on and on about how they snuck out and TP'd and all that, but I have no stories because I'm not allowed to go anywhere or do anything ever. I'm not even allowed to hang out downtown, where all of my friends hang out!
-sigh- And I'm stuck here waiting. Again. I don't know why I even fucking bother...
Days like this I just want to take a sleeping pill and sleep it all away. I want this day to be over with already. I'm in such a foul mood I don't want to do anything, including watch TV or play video games. I'm just ranting in my blog that nobody reads. Whatever, though. It's cool. I'm used to not having a life. I'm used to being depressed about 80% of the time.
Because wanting to have a life makes me such a sinner, you know?
And Karen was telling me I needed to "help out more". And mom didn't even defend me. It's like: WHAT THE FUCK. Because I washed 8 loads of her clothes, cleaned the fucking house like seven times, fed myself, and all that shit when grandma was in the hospital. And those were all her clothes, by the way. I folded them BY MYSELF and put them in her room, where they have been for a week. Uh, maybe you wouldn't have so many FUCKING dirty clothes if you actually put them away every once in a while.
And Karen got on me about not having my permit, either. How is that fair? So what if I do'nt want to fucking do it right now? No one is ecnouraging me, they are just screaming at me! Fuck you guys. What's the point of having my permit if I don't have a car? Maybe if I had a car I wouldbe more motivated. There is seriously no point to it whatsoever.
Nobody fucking appreciates me. I'm an amazing friend, an amazing daughter, and NOBODY FUCKING APRECIATES IT.
Can everyone just die and/or drop off the face of the Earth, please? Thank you.
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